Carol Burnett, Alfred Finney – Sign! lyrics

I make a very dry martini.
-Right here.
I make a very wet soufflé’.
-Just your name.
Don’t be so mean,
You mean ole’ meany.
-Come, my dear.
Lets you and me make,
Why shouldn’t we make hay?
-I have an appointment at 1.
This way.
You ever been to Buenos Aires?
-Where?
I hunger for the Argentine.
-It’s ArgenTEEN.
Lets me and you fill up our diaries.
-What? Stop!
Buy me a ruby,
-NO!
Why shouldn’t you be mine?
-Come
I got your number.
-Close
You like to rumba.
-Madame, while
I’ll call ya “Oli”, my hot tamale.
-We pry through this
And now I gottcha,
-file
My cucaracha!
-From my private eye.
Ay-yi-yi.
-You spend your evenings in the shanties.
You had me followed?
-Imbibing quarts of bathtub gin.
Bronchitis.
-And here you’re dancing in your skanties!
Great gams.
-With some old geezer, called Little Ceasar!
He’s an uncle.
-You lock the orphans in the closet
They love it.
-You hock their Christmas souveniers.
Drink?
-You steal the funds you should deposit.
It’s fresh.
-You make them grovel, while you buy lavaliers!
-You'll
Must you upset me?
-Sit out
Why don’t you pet me?
-This century
It’s you I crave now,
Let's misbehave now.
-In some
You want a smootchie,
-Deep dark
My little poochie?
-Penitentiary.
Jail?
-Sign!
I guess I’ll never know the feeling,
-You’ll rot in jail!
Of running fingers through your hair.
-In sing-sing.
I guess this means no Beaunos Aires.
-Will you just sign?
Well I don’t need ya!
-That’s fine!
So just forget me!
-The dotted line!
Forget my sweetness!
-Don’t whine!
Forget you met me!
-You can’t decline!
This day is sorta,
-Just sign!
Like Britain Waterloo.
-Sign.
Why didn't you say so in the first place… SWINE!