Sudden Death – Bowel Movement lyrics

(parody of "Move The Crowd" by Eric B. and Rakim)

Standing in my bedroom suddenly I had this
Feeling like I ate an anvil and had to pass it
So I just can't stand around
So I start running and the faster I run the harder it pounds
I break down the bathroom door, drop my drawers to the floor
Was pushing so hard that my teeth were sore
The veins are bulging out of my head
And I'm thinking out loud to myself and I said
How can I move my bowels?
First of all, I better get more paper towels
It's the distruction of my bathroom
I'm constipated, a disaster
So I start poppin' ExLax like M&Ms
I put the dog outside and warned all my friends
Is this the most that I can eat?
'Cause if not, I may have to wait another week
But don't make me wait too long 'cause it's been at least a month
Since I was last on the john
So I open the lid and grumble and growl
'Cause I got to move my bowels

Imagine me with a leak like the Exxon Valdeez
It's the smell that's making me wheeze
A garden hose doesn't have this much power
I'm splashing so much it sounds like I'm in the shower
My lower intestines, they growl like a jaguar
Everything inside falls out like Niagara
Polluting the air is so much fun
Now I'm on the john, the neighborhood is on the run
For those that know me I often blow their mind
Because they know I go for days at a time
I've seen magicians who can pull hankerchiefs out their hand
But can they pull out toilet paper like I can?
It's an incredible size, doesn't fit through my thighs
And it's burning my eyes and attracting the flies
But I'm-a keep going till the EPA calls out
My butt producing lots of nuclear fallout
With odor itself there's nothing I can't melt
For miles around the vibrations are felt
This is dangerous stuff it's not a bluff it's been proven
Indeed I think I need to make my bowels keep moving