Sudden Death – New Jersey Lifestyle lyrics

{*a parody of Fat Joe's song "My Lifestyle"*}

[Tom Rockwell]
Uhh.. yeah.. Jersey baby!
Welcome to Jersey, ya heard?
Yeah, uh!
Can't even pump your own gas here!
Yo.. yeah, yeah, yo

[Verse One: Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death]
I live alone in the armpit, of the nation
In the state with the densest population
The Garden State, where the gardener wrecks it
I tell people where I live by the exit
Joisey, where hygene's secondary
If the locals ever saw a real book they'd commit Hari Kari
Neon glow car, chain around the license plate
Two inches off of the ground, it's like a rollerskate
Me and my neighbors play a game whenever we're at
Baskin Robbins, seein who can count the most flavors
Aiyyo, if you're lookin for class you're outta luck
The state symbol is Calvin, urinating on a Ford truck
Muscle shirts are considered formal attire
My neighbor's hobby is to sit for hours watchin the drier
And at the strip club, is the Bride of Frankenstein
With a back so hairy that it's a crime
Before you visit that park you best be insured
Everyone I know has come back severely injured
Don't look at me cause it's out of my control
People disappear for years in our massive pot holes, whoa!

[Chorus - repeat 2X]
Y'all wanna live my lifestyle
Never had a job, never seen a dentist
Wanna hang with the boys, go to Wal*Mart
Visit me and I'ma show you inbred

[Verse Two: Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death]
At least half the state, has major brain damage
You can get the same replies talkin to a ham sandwich
My next door neighbor, only bathes on a Friday
But every single day he uses soap to wash his driveway
That's why the first week in July as we speak
Is "National Be Nice to New Jersey Week"
God help you if you wanna turn left, you'd have to be deft
Usually you have to make three rights to go left
And get this, if you take the folks on my street
and add 'em up, maybe you could get a full set of teeth
You wouldn't believe, but one of 'em forgot how to breathe
So much hair in their nose you could make your own weave
It's a last resort, where chickens can be child support
And driving is a contact sport
It's where malls are considered a shrine
I've lived here for three years, I'm fittin in just fine
It's a place where kids play the game Name Those Scents
Where all the garbage gets recycled into lawn ornaments
Yeah all the freaks in my town all belong in the pound
Even Smokey the Bear said go 'head, burn it down, go on!

[Chorus]